Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Piled High......

With Emotions!

With each and every pair of shorts/pants/capris that did not fit, I felt more and more desperation. I just cried.....I'm overwhelmed! And yesterday was NOT the day to to go out and buy new clothes.... in a larger size. I can't believe pants that fit a month ago are now on that pile that was higher then my knee caps. Some still with tags on them, I bet they would have been cute on....sigh. A part of me just says who gives a shit, it's just a number .... But still pieces of my heart broke with each in every pair that I had to fold up and store away. I worked so hard to get to where I was as I have lost over 100lbs that last few years and was feeling great and looking wonderful. I am no where close to being up there again, but with every increase in size, it just hurts and Now no matter what I try ... between the MS meds and my f'd up thyroid - well Here I go again - WTF! I really DON'T want to have to deal with any more, seriously I'm going to snap one of these days. I just want to SCREAM, but what good would it do. It's sad when even my daughter has noticed :( and mentioned it a few times "how fat you're getting"...NICE. Avrianna has also been giving me the guilt trip alot lately that she doesn't have a sibling to "play" with. UGH!!! Really ~ I would just like to crawl in a hole. What a let down and disappointment I'm finding it more and more difficult to like myself lately. It's just one thing after the other. STOP IT ALREADY!
Today we are packing up to head down to Milwaukee for some follow up appts for Danny and then I have my monthly MS treatment. I'm not sure how today is going to go for Danny as once again the allergy season is kicking his butt (and mine now too). I had made many phone calls to doctors yesterday to get some helping Lil Man out. The doctors in CHOW have already been notified so we'll see what they say on how he is doing once we get there. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will post later with updates :)

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