Well the title pretty much sums it all up around here. I'm physically n emotionally drained! It's ALWAYS something new around here. I miss being bored n stable. I'm trying my best to not let it stress me out, BUT.... it's a work in progress. When you have to be "On Guard" all the time, it starts to wear on you. When you watch your son struggle day n and day out with whatever it is on that particular day, it wears on you. When you worry about what the next hour may bring, I'm worn. I am blogging out in the backyard ~ sitting in the sun, sipping my coffee, smelling the fragrant flowers, listening to water trickle in the pool hoping to find some tranquility in all this madness. It's hard to enjoy or relax when your mind is constantly wrapped up in "What's going on with Danny?". It's frightening to think about all the possibilities and the what if's. I try not to go there but when day after day there is some sort of chaos that Danny goes through, my heart just breaks and I can't find the help to some relief for him. Day after Day he suffers....whether it's to breathe, being in pain, or he's consumed with seizures. Flip a coin it IS going to be at least one of those things if not ALL of them EVERY BLESSED DAY! It's so frustrating that we can't find him relief. Really hasn't he been through enough!! He has already been robbed of the life that I so longed for him to have ~ can he please at least have the quality of life !?! Why is the brain so damn complicated and destructive? Why couldn't my sons "life" be spared that day? Why did things play out the way they did? Why didn't the DR do his JOB!?! WHY WHY WHY!!!!
Sorry I'm just ......................... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
We are going to head over to Dr Kasper's later this morning and have a talk with what's next. What can we do, is there anything? He always seems to pull my head out of my @$$ and pick me up when it comes to these moments. I know he has our families best interest at heart and he WILL help to make things get back on the right track. As Dr K always says...."Danny didn't fall off the wagon .... the wheels fell off, we just have to put them back on". Well get your tools out, Dr K, I want Danny to be up and running!! We might have to bring out the BIG guns and get Dr K a super size Dark Chocolate bar as he will have his work cut out for us, lol.
Thanks for being there and reading me vent :)