Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Why does EVERYTHING have to be so damn difficult?

My head is just spinning....
on top of aching, as I've had a headache that has been going on for 3.5 weeks straight now.  When you are in pain for that long it starts to take a toll.  Nothing is working :(  I go to bed with a headache, wake up with a headache, and its there ALL DAY.  It's exhausting and frustrating to say the least.
I have been reading my new book Wahl's Protocol about changing my diet to improve my over all health and wellness.  I have to say there are a few good points in there, but nothing I really didn't know already from my functional medicine Dr....stay away from gluten, dairy, processed food, and sugars.  Stick with the hunter-gatherer time period of food.  Whole raw foods off the land ~ nuts, berries, fruits, veggies, seeds, and protein.  In the book she gives a good idea of how much of each food to eat and what food gives you what vitamins.  Unlike the functional medicine side which does ALOT of supplements, Dr Wahls gives you the tools to show you what foods can do the same instead of popping 20+ supplements 2-3 times a day.  Which is very exciting.  In the book there are 3 different "diets" to chose from...there is a basic, moderate, and then the extreme (which is suppose to be the best therapeutically).  I pretty much was already doing the basic so I'm going to go with the moderate one.  It still isn't going to be easy, but I have more options.   If I'm going to make this work I have to be honest with myself on what I can do.  I'm flying solo on this as my family isn't going to go without their "comfort" foods so that alone has me on a losing battle.  It's not that they don't support me, it's just that they are not going to be changing with me.  It'll be hard but I'm going to give it my best shot. It's never easy to hear do want a piece of cheese, how bout some garlic bread with that, should we stop for ice cream....AHhhhhh!! It has gotten alil easier now that I have found some substitutes that I CAN HAVE and we have some local restaurants that have gluten free menus.  I'm transitioning so I might "slip" or "treat"  once in awhile, but not at a cost to myself believe me so they will be few and far between.
I have put my foot down as to buying all this "junk" food.  In reading my book it just reminds me of the higher chances Avrianna could be in my same shoes, down the road and I'm not going to contribute to that.  So I'll be buying more fruits n veggies, Gluten free snackies and foods, less processed foods, and foods without all the crap in it.  If the ingredients are things I can't even pronounce or is a mile long then it will not be in my cart!!  If Ms picky pants doesn't like them she can go without.  She really does need to eat better.  If it's not pasta of some sort, rice, pizza, pretzels, chips, crackers, full of sugars, etc she turns her nose up.  I've resorted to buying her protein bars and water (I know that they are not the best) as she doesn't eat much of meat, no nuts, once in awhile an egg.  It never used to be an issue with her but the last couple of years she's really dwindled down her menu options.  I guess alot of that has to due with me allowing her to chose what she is or isn't going to eat.....not sure how that happened as I was brought up that you ate what your mom made and you sat there till it was gone.  Some how I lost that battle, but I WILL get win it back.  We'll be eating more salads at dinner, more raw fruits n veggies, and she will eat at least 1 pc of meat, poultry, fish (whatever it may be that day).
The book also says it's a good idea to write a daily journal.  You all know I like to write, but I'm not sure if daily I would be able to do.  I write here and that to me is good enough.  I get all off my chest here...the good, the bad, and the ugly.  You are my support system and for that I am forever grateful.

My brain and spinal cord are under fire, they are being attacked my my own immune cells.   I'm hoping with the power of food I can reclaim and maintain my health.  It is proven that excessive carbs toxins, and sugars in the "modern" diet leads to inflammation and I need to cool that inflammation down that I have within my body.  I can control what I powerful is that.  But Can I really cut out the foods that I have so learned to love and depend on?  I need to restore my own health as no doctor or pill can do that for me.  Nothing out there can cure my disease it can only possibly ease my symptoms and up till now they have done nothing for me but make me sicker.
The days of me feeling good, feeling like myself, free of pain are far behind me.  The medical model has failed.  The only thing left for me to turn my life around is....ME.  The body CAN heal itself given the right tools.  I've only been fulling the fire and depriving my already tired and sick body of what it needs with all the crap, that they call food, that is out in the markets today.  I'm going to make healthier choices in hopes to turn off the war that is going on inside me.  I can't live like this anymore, day in and day out in pain, weak, and tired.  THIS IS NOT ME!!  The old saying You are what you eat....believe it or not, it is so true.
I can no longer put on this mask and say "I'm OK".   I'm not OK!!  I'm getting sicker, weaker, and the pain is just unbearable most days.  I can't go on any longer thinking that MS doesn't have a hold on's a HUGE part of my life now.  I am so disappointed and frustrated.  I need to take action.  I can't sit back and let MS win the war.  I'm not ready to give up.  I'm not ready to BE MS.  I am going to fight like a girl and try my damnest to get MY LIFE back.  I don't want to settle.  I have too much at stake ~ 2 wonderful kids that need their mom to be ALL THAT SHE CAN BE.  They are my strength and my drive.  Everyone that has MS has a story and I'm not ready for my story to end.  I have way too many chapters that I want to write about.  In the beginning I had never thought in my wildest of nightmares that these "episodes" would lead to MS.  I had just chalked it up to being a full time parent to a preemie with a blood disorder and a severely handicapped child that has all the stressers that come with that, along with all the other distractions of life, but as I know now it was the ticking time bomb Multiple Sclerosis.  Man I wish I would have listened to my body, but no use crying over spilled milk.  It is what it is....and I need to start thinking about ME, taking care of ME, so I can be around for many more years to come.  Hopefully pain free or as much as possible, push off being in a wheelchair as long as I can, keep my eye sight, and remain cognitive.
MS may be strong ......But NOT AS strong as ME!!!

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