Sunday, November 14, 2010

Whatz Going On

Here's my Babies standing together side by side for the VERY FIRST time ever. I LOVE YOU GUYS!! I'M SO PROUD OF BOTH OF YOU!!It's been an emotionally and physically challenging time for me, lately. I just HURT inside and out. I'm really NOT a fan of being or feeling like this, but it seems to be me. I'm NOT OK with this at ALL .... I'm so sick of change and adapting I could just scream. Why do I have to become someone I don't want to be, just to get through the day? Yeap I'm in another MS flare up, relapse, call it what you will and it SUX so my frustrations have set in. I know ... all this after such an awesome "Attitude" post last time. Believe me I've done my best with trying to keep my attitude up, but not being able to do things because of pain, weakness, and fatigue is really taking a toll. I just don't have the lifestyle for MS and I'm not ready to give up myself to become part of MS. Change, change, change!!!!!!!! I've CHANGED enough but my body is telling me ~ NOT ENOUGH, grrrrrrr. I'm trying to come to a agreed compromise with myself but I guess I'm not doing to well. What a crappy time for all of this ~ well is there really a "good" time for a flare up.....Nope not really. With the holidays and Danny's birthday right around the corner it's especially NOT a good time for me. Thankfully I do have some time to prepare so it could be worse. So I've decided to start ahead of time this year. Instead of decorating the house for the holiday's the day after Thanksgiving I started I week ahead of schedule :) Yeap I'm rock 'n out to Christmas music early too ~ LOVE IT! I usually can get everything done in about a day..... not this year. I'm on day 2 and I've got about half of it done.....this is so frustrating to me. More proof I'm not the person I used to be, UGH! I do have both of our trees UP just one of them is all decorated (thanks to Avrianna ~ she did an awesome job) and the house has started to transformation. I am hoping to have a good handle on it as Monday I will be going in to start the 3 day IV treatment. I was put on an oral med to see if it would have helped to stop the flare when I noticed things were off but ~ NO GO. I'm hoping the IV access is better this time around as last time they wanted me to get a PICC line ~ sigh....we'll have to see.

Danny's birthday party planning is in the works and I'm so excited. Another year ~ WOW! This year we are having an out of state surprise guest coming to participate in the celebrations ..... I can't wait. We've even extended the invite out to MORE of our local "special" guests so with the positive replies I've been getting this party should be the best ever.

When did Life become ~ OK. I'm amazed at the way things have played out in life. One evening, I realized Danny was tugging pretty hard when he took a breath, his color seems pale, and a blue cast around around his lips. I calmly took him in his room and started the "routine" ~ Mr Jiggles, cough assist, breathing treatments and repeat. I sat back and thought to myself ~ When did this become "ok" ........ with helping my son breath on my own and in my own home? Is it ok that this is our NORMAL? You are instructed to head to the ER, call 911, do NOT pass go. To do anything, everything but.......but here I was taking Danny calmly into his own room to go one on one working with my favorite Lil Man in hopes to make him breath better. Thankfully it was only a mucus plug, that just needed some TLC to be removed.

How exciting.....the afternoon before opening day of the Big Hunt 2010 and I get 9 deer in our yard. I didn't get the 6 in the backyard but here's the three in the front.
Yeap here's my BUCK ~ LOL. He looked at me while I walked to the end of the drive about 25 yards away.... what an easy target he was that day. Who says you need to go "God's Country" to bag the big Buck ~ LOL


ANewKindOfPerfect said...


The photo of your two amazing children, STANDING next to each other, brought tears to my eyes.

Awesome. :)

ellen charge said...

ove heard peopel say we arent human if we dotn have our bad days hugs xxxxx hope you can get it back to a good point soon