Surprise

So after my dreary post last week my son rings true to my expectations and proves me wrong once again. But with this I am delightfully happy for... as this last week has been WONDERFUL! I will take being wrong like that ANYTIME :)

Sitting up BIG n TALL very Happy....

Gotta Love that smile...... RIGHT?

Danny has been doing amazingly great this last week. Just a few bouts of discomfort but that's still to be expected as he still is only 2 months out from a MAJOR surgery (done twice). He's starting to tolerate his feeding better also :) I've decided to increase his pain meds on the bad days and wait it out alil longer for more information. I'm going to schedule a CT scan of his hip to see if there is anything we are missing. At least there is no added pain in that and it will give us a better picture of what's going on.

Here's me and my FAVORITE Lil Man chilln on the couch together last night. Dan took Avrianna up North again this weekend for some 4 wheeling daddy daughter bonding time. Which then Danny and I get some relaxing peaceful mommy and me time. We spent the evening cuddling and watching movies together. I LOVE IT!Avrianna went in on Monday after school to have her pallet expander with fence put on. I have to put a tool in the expander every night for 26 nights to crank it out "expanding: her upper jaw. She's a trooper with this, even though the last time I expanded it she's really is starting to feel the pressure from her mouth changing shape. It's really hitting her now how "not cool" this is as she's finding if VERY difficult to eat even the easiest of foods. As there is a Large gap between the top of the expander and the roof of her mouth so everything gets stuck up there. The fence isn't helping either with her to be able to swallow so even taking a drink can be very frustrating for her. I am very PROUD of how brave and how excepting she's been with this. It's a learn curve for her but will every day she is getting better n better with it.Here's the fence .... this is there to hold back her tongue from pushing up against the back of her teeth. She had a significant tongue thrust so we hope this helps out. Unfortunately it is set more in the middle of her mouth so she has to darn near curl her tongue to keep it behind the fence or the fence scraps her tongue. This for her the worst part for her as her tongue hurts her alot :( Yes it is as bad as it looks. So after her appt we took her for a surprise visit ~

I would like to introduce our newest member of The Osero household.......Meet

GUNNER

Gunner is a 6 month old Cocker Spaniel / German Shepard Mix. He was surrendered to the Humane Society as his previous family couldn't afford him. He is a wonderful boy. After Dan and I went to see him we took Avrianna there to see what she thought, of course LOVE at first sight for her. The next day I took Ms Bailey and Danny to meet him as if they didn't mix well it wouldn't be a good fit for our family. Bailey did great with him but she needed to put Mr Gunner in his spot in the ranks right away, LOL. Much to my surprise they were looking for her to get him to stand down so she stayed the dominant one in the house :) My favorite had to be when they brought Gunner in to meet Danny....as I wasn't sure what he would do with the chair and equipment Danny has. The first thing Gunner did was put his front paws up on Danny's arm rests, sniff him, and give him a BIG WET kiss. I was in LOVE with Gunner at that point :) I think Mr Gunner is already a wonderful companion for Danny.

Gunner had Cherry Eye on this left eye that was repaired on Wednesday. So after the vets look at him on Monday to make sure he is healing fine we can pick him up. We are so excited! Even though we know the next few weeks are going to be a learning curve for everyone I believe Gunner will fit into our dysfunctional family VERY WELL. Yesterday I went out and bought new toys, chew toys, bedding, collars, leashes, and treats so once he's home he will have his very own things.

So this is what happens IN my house each time it rains OUTside my house

The dripping and puddles are increasingly getting bigger n bigger with each new rain. I'm still very disappointed with all this but whatcha going to do, but ride it out. Unfortunately the follow through with this leak SUCKS as no one has come out to look, evaluate, and fix the problem yet. I still can't find it within myself to look up in the attic to see how bad it really is and I can only imagine what behind the walls look like. It's just very disappointing that we are dealing with yet another issue with this house.

I will leave you with this song I just heard. I can't wait to watch the movie now. A song from "The Secretariat"

IT'S WHO YOU ARE ~ (go to the bottom of the blog page and pause the music first so you can hear it)

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False Hope n Helpless Feeling

So I'm stuck in this funk. I have this feeling of anxiety and helplessness. The whole one step forward and three steps back, grrrrrr. I can't help to look at those beautiful blue eyes and those cheeks and wonder......does he understand why? Can he possibly Love me with all that I have put him through. My heart aches the last few days. The fear of the unknown into the future and the feelings of despair from the past. To know that your child WON'T walk on his own, will NEVER eat by mouth, or CAN'T say Mom, is enough for a mother to take.....But as long as he is comfortable and happy right? Well I can't even achieve that for him and I just ache. It's one thing after another with my Sweet Boy. To know that your child has some sort of chronic discomfort darn near his whole life....it's killing me. I'm suppose to make it all better, but I just can't. I hurt for my Lil Man. He cries, I cry.....I wish I could hurt when he hurts. Why does he have to go through more? When will the pain end? Where am I going wrong? How can I fix it? These are all questions I play over n over in my head everyday all day. I feel like I'm going insane some days. I hurt! The emotional pain is so mind boggling, I do so much better with the physical pain as then I can control it, to hurt so much inside and there's nothing you can do about it, sigh. Then to put on this face of "everything" is going to be alright. Will it? When? Then I find myself looking to years past of what's all happened to my sweet wonderful boy and I get angry at it all. Wondering how can he put that handsome smile on his face with everything that has happened to him. I really hate myself when I feel like this. I just want to scoop him up and run far far away. What to do? What's a quality of life? How does one achieve it? Who's quality is being considered? I'm just ill with emotions I'm suffocating in decisions. What's right ~ What's wrong ! Do you allow your child to be in pain to relieve him of another surgery? Do you increase pain meds so that when he builds a tolerance you keep upping the dose and in turn kill off/ damage more organs so he doesn't have surgery? Do you do surgery in hopes that "this time" it will take away the pain? Will the back steps from surgery be only temporary this time or will his system say enough is enough? Will this surgery take away the pain or will ANOTHER issue pop up after this one? It's bad enough he needs to undergo more surgeries just to maintain the hardware he already has on an ongoing basis. Does he understand that this is all for his own good? Does he just hate me for it? He can't even be picked up at times without him crying ...what kind of quality of life is that? How can a mother comfort her son when it hurts him to be moved? I'm just beside myself and overwhelmed. I do know it will all turn out but right now the decision making is brutal. I have to continually decide if my son should go under the knife time and time again when most parents might have to have there kids tonsils removed. I'm broken right now and I'm just trying to picking up the pieces. I have emails into some of Danny's doctors to get their insight to help me. I "think" I know what the next steps are already, but I just have to talk it through. These are no easy choices to make and my gut is telling me it's only going to get harder.
Once again I have another water feature inside my home. Looks as if the roof is leaking AGAIN. I'm just overwhelmed and amazed. One part of my just wants to choke someone and another says F*&$ it. I'm so DONE with it! But unfortunately it's just beginning AGAIN. I can only imagine what behind the walls and in attic look like. Once again I can only assume, as I'll be damned if I'm going up in the attic to check, that the water has saturated the insulation, wood, and drywall so now it's leaking through the ceiling and onto the hardwood floor. I might lose my mind with this house. If it wasn't such a good thing for Danny I swear I would move in a heart beat. It was designed and built to make our lives easier and all it's become is more DRAMA and work. Right now I HATE this house!
It's just another looks can be deceiving it/we may look like we/it have it together but inside we're/it is just falling apart. NEVER just a book by it's cover! Amazingly with all that I've been dealing with I've kept my symptoms at bay...for now. Sigh
Today Avrianna goes in at 3pm to have her hardware put on. She's still thinking this is going to be "cool", but my gut says around 4 pm this is not going to be neat anymore. We'll see how it goes and maybe I'll be able to get some before n after pics if she lets me. Wish her luck!
Thanks for stopping by to check in on us...sorry for the deary post but I'm hoping that now that it's out I can feel better. It never hurts a girl to dream