Monday, February 11, 2013

Just Thinking ..... Would?

When things calm down my brain goes into over time.  I'm weird I know, but when I have my brain on a mission it's hard for me to to stray from my point.  Now that I am doing well, Danny is doing amazing, and life around here is should I say it.......slowing down.  It gives me time to dwell in uncharted waters.  Dan and I were on our way to Minneapolis, MN to check out a handicap accessible RV, and while on the 5 hr drive we have a great time to chit chat.  While during our talking there was one comment I made that just turned on the thought process.  Out of no we go.  I said .... "Could you imagine how much more running we would do if Danny was in all the music and sports Avrianna is in?"  And ...............


My head was spinning.

What sports would Danny do?
Do you think he would play an instrument?  Which one?  How many?
How would he do in school?
Jock? Geek? Grit? (wow just aged myself there)
Would he be the leader or a follower?
Would he have many friends or just a few?
Sassy or Shy?
What would his voice sound like?
How many, if any, of the medical issues he has would he have if he was "typical"?
Would Avrianna and him get along or have some serious sibling rivalry?
What would he be when he grew up?
Would he get married?
Have kids?
Would he LOVE his momma?
Do you think we would still be in our first house on Elm St (man I loved that house)?
Would Avrianna be different if she had that brother to play most of her friends?
How would our lives be?

Wow ~ I could go on and on.  I really hate to go there as I know Danny doesn't know all the the dreams and wishes I had for him are not there and have changed.  He goes on day to day just being Danny and enjoying the day the best he knows how.  This morning I walked in his room gave him a kiss on the cheek said "Good Mornin Mr O" and I got the biggest smile.  Man that just makes my day, but also just breaks my heart.  I've learned more from this lil boy already then I will ever be able to teach him.  I LOVE him so much........and would/will do anything to fight for him to be here with me as much and as long as I can......but I can help sometimes to wonder.  Just wish the circumstances were different for him some days :(

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