Thursday, December 20, 2012

Beating the Odds ~ Statistics Show

Statistics Show Half , that is 50% will fail, 80% end if you have a Special Needs child, and 75% don't make it if there one has a chronic illness.  Hmmmm ~ What might I be talking about?  I think you know.  It's Marriages, and with all those numbers against us, wow how scary.  It's really pretty scary how many marriages in general will end in divorce and then add on everything that Dan and I are dealing's a miracle we've made it this far.  I came across an email conversation, the other day, that was between Dan and I back in the summer of 2009.  Or what I like to call it ~ the crash of '09.  Our lives were in a tail spin....Danny was fighting for his life, I was just diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis,  we were building a house, starting our laundry business, and our family was split apart by a 3 month stay in the hospital.  Could there be any more on our plate?  You can say STRESS & frustrations were HIGH in our lives. But here we are still here together and standing stronger.  I reread this email and it just broke my heart as it was very evident that we were not in a good place.  I had Dan read it to.  I told him that I hoped we were in a "better" place then when we wrote that email.  Honestly we weren't in a "good" place years before the crash of '09, but I think that was the closest to the straw breaking the camels back for us, or for me.  I was cooped up in a hospital room day n and day out for 70 days watching our son fight for his life and trying to process my new diagnosis while Dan was trying to keep everything a float at the home front along with taking care of our daughter.  Things were out of my control and all I could do is just sit there.   Our Marriage was/is hard I'm not going to lie.  It's give n take, it's compromise, it's disagreements, it's respect, it's honesty, it's love.....all of which I am grateful to have.  I have to say it's not easy, and sometimes it's down right work, but I'm glad we stuck it out through the good times and the bad.  There were many years, yes years, that I can honestly say we were more roommates or acquaintances, then friends or even husband and wife.  We both processed these "HITS" differently and instead of working together through it I think we did more apart.  For that I am truly saddened.  There is no book or set of guidelines on how to handle/cope when it comes to ALL we have gone through.  I really don't know how we are together, when I look back.  Just look at what Dan got stuck with, LOL, I'm sure definitely not the wife and son that he was hoping for....but he stayed and he still loves us very much.  He stayed when there was many times he could have run for the hills not turning back.  I am amazed at how we came through all of this and we're still standing.  Quite honestly I believe better and stronger then ever, but if you would have asked me before, I really didn't think we were going to make it.   I know we all process traumatic things differently and it's very hard to rationalize everything especially when you are in the thick of it.  It's wonderful to see our relationship turn into something beautiful and special once again.  I love seeing us happy and more together now.  I can't tell you how much easier and less stressful MY life is knowing that he's got my back and that I have him to lean on.  We understand each other once again.  We can laugh with each other again.   I'm sure there are still going to many times where we don't see eye to eye and I'm just going to want to choke him and probably visa versa, but I know that I LOVE him and after all we've been through we will Fight through it standing on top TOGETHER.  
Just like our kids, Dan and I are beating the Odds!

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