Saturday, April 6, 2013

I'm Going to Ride this Wave

The World works in mysterious ways, doesn't it.  I've "handled" or "dealt" with so much in my life that even though I look great on the outside, my inside is a mess.  I would have never thought I'd be a 88 year old woman stuck in the a 38 year old body.  Just when I think I've been doing well with all my life has hit it me ...... my body says F U.  It's so true about someone having to hit rock bottom before they can get up.  I've internalized for so long, as that's all I ever knew how to do, and I was always one to say Stress is just mind over matter.  BUT your MIND does MATTER!  No matter how much you try to make light of a bad situation it still eats away at you, even when your not looking. I'm not sure what I should have done differently, or even if there was anything I could have done differently, and that really is scary.  I've, for the most part, met diversity head on...put my big girl pants on and I did it with a SMILE :)  Pretty good I might add too, lol.  I cope, move one, adapt...I'm sure there other great words for me (BE NICE).  Once again I have to adapt...I have NO Family is Depending on me....My LIFE Depends on it.   I've hit rock bottom!  With me being dx with cancer this year and having precancerous cells in the past....the options for my MS treatment are quite nill.


So I have to take the bull by the horns and............................GO!

Quite honestly I've always poopoo'd to some degree the "naturalists" and thought they where "way out there".  I really didn't realize the "system" would allow so much "bad" things in our food.  And I AM a big enough person to say when I'm wrong.  I was WRONG!  As most of you know I am big at doing my research.  I need to be in the "know".  With every dx my son, daughter, husband, and for my self I have to know everything.  I'm shocked now that I'm really digging in and doing my homework.  I've pretty much now transitioned to mostly a Raw Diet.  For the last 3 weeks my diet consists of raw veggies, fruit, nuts, seeds, berries, and for dinner I will have some protein.  I think I'm finally over the hump with "needed" the carbs and other yummy things.  It definitely makes the grocery shopping easier....just have to go to the produce dept. and DONE.  I'm sure once I go through a complete detox to get all the heavy metals out and once ALL the testing comes back as to what the underlining issues I REALLY have I will be able to broaden my food options.  But for now this is it!  Along with this food regimen I've started to get on the Metagentics products (supplement and vitamins) which is All natural, mostly produced from plants (I've even started Danny on some it).  I can NOT lie, some of the products were an acquired taste and the limitations on all the "yummy" foods that I'm use to was NOT an easy feet to get through.  I keep reminding myself I NEED a CHANGE, I NEED to DO THIS, I WILL be a HEALTHIER person.  I am so very thankful that I have a wonderful support system, which was not always the case.  Dan has been fantastic!  It's wonderful have your loved ones and friends in your corner.  I know I can do this, but it makes is so much easier when you have support.  Now that I've been eating better and more "raw" Dan's is all gung ho with getting our garden ready for yummy treats for us to eat

"Right out the garden".

I've also been on this kick as to why?  Why in the world does most of the modern mainstream physicians not try their all to fix us.  They would rather "treat" us for the rest of our lives.  Instead of helping us be a better, healthier person.  I've been to Dr's, specialist, you name it......and most of my question's have were shut down as my test results weren't bad enough yet.  Well I'm asking so they don't get bad enough, Geez!  I don't know why it's taking me 38  difficult and unhealthy (for the most part) years to get kicked in the ass but I'm thankful something finally clicked.  I am thankful that Dan took the time to read (yet again another) one of my magazines and suggested I go to this seminar on detoxing (he found my current Neurologist that is in Milwaukee which we just LOVE through one of my magazine's).  I went to see Dr Scott in the hope he would have some good ideas to help me lose weight, and now I'm going him to improve my WHOLE WELL BEING!  Boy did he get more then he bargained for, lol.  It's amazing as I talk with Dr Scott over my history, my families history, my symptoms, and my tests results how easily some of this could have had a great chance of being prevented if the mainstream Dr's would have done these tests long ago to see how off whack my system is and really paid attention to the family history part of the form that they are all so sure about us filling out.  There is alot of connections as to what's going on with me and what my family history is like.  But WHY fix me when you can treat me .... for the rest of my life.   It angers me how much of my healthy life was taken away from me, and if my Dr,s would have really.... I mean REALLY gave a damn about me I might not be as sick as I am today.  Why help a person be better when they are "in" the "normal" ranges lets wait till it's too late and something is now really damaged and possibly unrepairable.  They can just pump you with more crap and meds......take 2 and call us in the morning.  Well I'm not sitting down and waiting till it's too late anymore.  I have a chance and control to make ME a better person!  I am going to stop being so lazy and STAND UP for ME!

It is what it is, by now and all I can do is NOW start to become a better healthier person.  My hope is I can get my family to eat and be better also.  One step at a time, but I believe once they see how well I am going to be doing, it won't be too hard to get them on board also.  As Dr Scott says We are going to Ride this WAVE to Shore,  so Hold on.  I'm sure there will be reefs, and an undertow to drag me under, but I am holding on with both hands as tight as I can.  

I am 48 hrs post op from having my malignant melanoma removed from my leg.  Now I sit and wait to see if they got it all.  Boy I hope so.  WOW did they cut out a large amount, not so much deep but more in circumference.  The nurse had to squeeze my skin together (yes I was awake) so the surgeon was able to get the whole to come close.  It's very tight!!  They have advised me to "take it easy" as the stitches have a high chance of popping open.  Well you all know me.......

I'm trying!!

Yesterday I had no nursing for Little Man, so I was alil slow at getting things done, but I did get them all done.  About 12:30 I had Danny and myself ready and I was able to sit on the couch and ice my leg.  We did have evening nursing so Dan took me out to dinner, it was fabulous.  I can't say how happy and excited that our relationship has made it through all of this, and that we are now better and stronger then ever.  We'll keep beating odds, one day at a time, together!

The kids are doing great!  I actually got a call from Dr K that other day as he was concerned we got a new pediatrician because we haven't called him in so long,  LOL.  Isn't that great!  Something else we've never been able to do.....have BOTH kids healthy for so long.  We are on the right track :)  Danny did have a trache vent clinic last week and things there went well.  It was more of a he's doing great.......see you in 6 months.  Except for Mom getting in trouble.  I've been putting more water in the trache cuff as he has been leaking alot of air.  Well guess I'm not suppose to be doing that, and I got my hands slap.  BUT they did understand that I will not allow the leaking to go on so I WILL do what I need to for it to stop.  They are ordering him and bigger, longer trache for Danny to try.  He will now be in an adult size......again

Danny you are 9!!

I will be going back down to Milwaukee for him to try out this new trache and have a chest xray to make sure it fits just right.  If it doesn't then we'll have to order a customized trache.  Well why not, I wouldn't expect it any other way.  LOL!  Danny still has to have his say in how "special" he is.
Avrianna is getting excited as in a month she has an opportunity to be in another dive meet.  Now if I can keep you "healthy" aka no concussions this time she's IN.  Can't wait to go watch all of her hard work pay off in a competition.

As I type this I can hear the banging and tinkering on the race car in the shop.  Today was to be Pre tech at the race track, but mother nature has other plans.  It has been warming up alil around here so the dirty dingy snow is melting.   But not fast it did snow last nite :(  It's to the point now, that if mother nature puts it there, she can take it away.  LOL

Last week Dan, Myself, Avrianna, and Danny became official members at Our Savior's Lutheran Church.  It's a wonderful place, they make us feel so welcome!

Thanks for checking on us!  Please keep in your thoughts and prayers a few of our friends.
Ryan is back in the hospital for possible sepsis,
Thomas is hospitalized for going into respiratory failure, heart attack, and swelling on the brain
The Springstroh family as Larry passed away this week after a long battle against lung cancer