Just keep Swimming, swimming, swimming!

I'm afloat in large, deep waters lately ... some days wondering if I have the strength to stay afloat or am going to sink. I'm stuck in a rut and it SUCKS! I can't understand where or why this has reared it's ugly head, as it's not me.... I'm distant, tired, agitated, anxious, it's hard to concentrate, I'm just

* HERE *

with no drive or care to do anything. Honestly it's difficult to even blog these days...I know right? Right there is a RED flag. It's really hard to swallow personally, I'm always "in control"....or has it just been a front and I'm really spinning OUT of control? I'm questioning a lot lately.....everything . Why can't I just swim to shore and get back on my two feet. It shouldn't be this difficult? But right now it is......

I know right from wrong and the way I'm feeling and thinking lately is just

*WRONG*

Yesterday I had an appt with my neurologist to follow up with my MS and then to have my monthly infusion. I knew I had to say something to her, despite the fact she might throw me in the nut house if I do talk, but I'm

*TIRED*

and right now the shoreline is nowhere in my sight....so I needed her to know I'm NOT me! I know if I can't be honest with her then I'm not being fully honest with myself. I'm scared to all hell that this is something that I won't or can't get a handle on. Am I

*CRAZY*

What's wrong with me? Why can't I get a handle on this? All the symptoms I'm having could be progressive MS or anxiety n depression but from where I'm sitting I'm not sure which one I'd rather be. I don't want to "feel" like this for the rest of my life.

*BLAH*

I'm a work in progress and ................... I WILL keep swimming!